To Jennifer, Who Inspired Me at a Young Age

Hi, Jennifer! I wanted to tell you thank you! I know we don't agree politically/morally on many things, but you did have a profound effect on my ability to reason through arguments.

I'm don't know if you remember 8th grade speech class, but I do. One of our assignments was a 'persuasive' speech, and I chose the topic of capital punishment, and why it was acceptable to use in society. I didn't know that you had also chosen the topic, but taking the opposite side, arguing that it was inhumane and wrong.

I thought I had sound arguments based in morality (mostly via the Bible), but when you got up after me and gave your speech, you obliterated every single argument. The cognitive dissonance in my brain was extremely uncomfortable as I sat there contemplating your arguments.

I didn't immediately change my mind, instead I looked for real arguments to back my position. After years and years of contemplation, I did change my mind.

This also affected many other aspects of my life, making me question almost everything I'd been taught, including my religious beliefs, my personal relationships, my education, my family life, and so on. I still regularly question these things, searching for rational, logical answers to issues I might have from day to day.

Basically, you inspired me to search for truth no matter what my personal beliefs, and for that, I thank you.

One "Awe, Shit!" Wipes Out 100 "Atta-Boys!"

Do I need to change? (Always questioning myself)

Why am I always questioning myself? Is it okay to question myself? Is it okay for me to question others? Is it okay for me to question others, when their actions don't affect me? What if their actions directly affect me? How about indirectly?

Am I helping myself by writing these words? Is it wrong to help myself? Would helping myself before helping other people make me a bad person? If my actions benefit only me, does that make the action immoral? Should I help myself?

Am I helping to make the world a better place by writing these words? How could I know if I'm making the world a better place? Who am I making the world a better place for? Me?

Is it wrong to help a bad person? What if that person has made horrible mistakes, would it be wrong to help them be a better person?

Can people change? Is it possible to help other people change? Have I changed? Do I need to change?

How I Feel Living an RV Parked My Friend's Yard

I am a mooch, and I'm ashamed of myself. I don't want to go inside; I just want to stay out here in the RV. It's easier to stay in this little bubble, protected by the thin walls. I want to do this as long as I can. I don't want to look my friend in the eye because of the shame I feel. I know that I should go discuss life with her, and find out her expectations, but I don't want to do it. 

I'm tired of mooching, but I continue to do so. I should get a job, but I don't. I'd rather do nothing, than contribute to the matrix of lies that is the government. But I feel like I am taking advantage of a friend. 

I justify my continued mooching with weak rationalization like: 

"My friend works for the government, and gets paid way too much for the job she's doing. I'm just taking back what I put into her job in the first place." 

or

"My friend invited us; we didn't ask. If she doesn't want us to be here, she'd ask us to leave."

or

"It's not like we're costing her much, and we're even paying some of the electric bill."

Like I said, weak.

Should I make it a priority to leave, so that I can stop mooching? I would have to start paying taxes again. This is such bullshit. Government is the most fucking evil invention ever conceived, I swear.